Social Live at St. Thomas
INTERNATIONAL STUDENT SERVICESPractical Matters
Social Life at St. Thomas
Degree of Friendship Participating in Campus Life Practicing Your Religion Alcohol and Smoking Dating
As is probably true in your own culture, it takes time for friendship-a close relationship-to develop between Americans. Nevertheless, most Americans are very "friendly" and appear to be very open when you meet them.
You may hear Americans refer to acquaintances, such as persons who happen to sit together in class, as "friends." There are, however, degrees of friendship.
In the United States, people often say, "Hi, How are you?" or "How are you doing?" and then do not wait for a response. This is a polite phrase, not really a question. You can respond by saying, "Fine, thanks." Or you may hear an American say, "Drop by anytime" or "Let's get together soon." These are friendly expressions, but they may not be meant literally. It is polite to call someone on the telephone before you visit. Even without an invitation, it is acceptable to call a new acquaintance to see if he or she would like to go to a campus activity with you.
You will have to make an effort to meet people so that friendships can develop. Because crossing borders to study is a unique and powerful experience, you may find, at least initially, that you have more in common with other foreign students than with Americans, and some of your strongest friendships will be made with other foreigners.
Soon you will meet Americans who have studied abroad-and who therefore know something of what you are experiencing-as well as individuals who share your interests, academic and otherwise.
Many students believe that there is no better place to make friends than the college dormitory. There may be 30 students living on your floor with different accents, different musical tastes, and possibly 30 different standards of acceptable behavior. Be prepared for very open discussions. Participate in dormitory life and become involved in dormitory activities and functions.
Relationships with roommates work best when the dual arts of flexibility and compromise are practiced. Your roommate may or may not become a friend, but there is no reason you should not develop a good relationship. If necessary, the university will offer guidance and advice to help you.
Seek out fellow students with similar interests. You may find them in your classes or laboratories, but there are other options, too. St. Thomas offers a wide array of clubs and organizations representing many student interests. You will find cultural and religious associations, sports teams and sports clubs, volunteer service organizations, fraternities and sororities, student government, academic societies, music and theater groups, a student newspaper, and, on some campuses, a student radio or television station.
If you want to enhance your leadership skills, you will find numerous possibilities on campus, whether you choose to run for student-government office, lead an international student club or other campus organization, organize the activities of the international living center, volunteer in the community, or lead a volunteer group. All these opportunities give you a chance to meet others and work with them on issues that matter to you. That's the best way to develop friends.
If you are bringing your family to the United States, you may find that your social life revolves around your children, their school, clubs, and activities. You may trade babysitting chores or participate in activities with other families that give you the chance to develop friendships.
The United States is a multicultural society founded on tolerance and mutual respect; you should not hesitate to seek out opportunities to practice your religious beliefs. Organized religious groups of many denominations are likely to be found at your college or university, and others exist in the surrounding community. The international student office will be able to help you locate such organizations.
Although America has a higher rate of church attendance than most other western societies, many Americans are uncomfortable discussing religion. Some Americans may shy away from the topic altogether. Others will want to share their religious views with you. Most people are sincere and straightforward, but some may try to take advantage of you or convert you to their religious beliefs by offering you their friendship. If you begin to feel uncomfortable in such a situation, politely but firmly explain that you are not interested.
U.S. laws concerning the sale and consumption of alcohol may seem very liberal or very constraining to you, depending on your nationality. In the United States, it is illegal to purchase alcoholic drinks, including beer and wine, until you reach the age of 21. Laws governing alcohol can vary from state to state. For example, it is illegal in some states to walk along the street with an open container of beer. In some states, alcoholic beverages can be purchased only in special, state-run stores.
Colleges and universities often have policies that restrict the consumption of alcoholic beverages on campus. Your college or university will be able to inform you of local regulations, so be sure to ask if you are uncertain. Remember that you do not have to drink to act like an American.
Do you smoke? In many parts of the United States, all public buildings are designated "smoke free," meaning that you cannot smoke in any part of the building. Other buildings may have spaces designated for smokers. Restaurants may have smoking and nonsmoking sections. If you are a guest in someone's home, room, or apartment, always ask permission before you smoke. Even if you are in your own room, it is polite to ask your guests if anyone objects to your smoking before you reach for a cigarette. Be prepared to see No Smoking signs in most offices, classrooms, and stores.
You may be surprised by the informality of relations between men and women in the United States. Couples go out alone in the evening to attend a movie, concert, lecture, or party; students may get together for a "study date." In the past, the man usually asked the woman, and the man paid the expenses of the movie, concert, or meal. Today, a woman may ask a man to go out with her. Whether the man or woman offers the invitation, students often share the expenses.
Relationships between American men and women of college age range from simple, casual friendships to strong emotional and physical commitments. As your friendships develop past acquaintance, you may not always understand what your partners expect of you. Whatever the relationship, the best policy is honesty and frankness. Although sometimes embarrassing, it is best to express your feelings and intentions so you can avoid misunderstandings and even greater discomfort. If your date appears interested in a sexual relationship and you are not, it is very important that you say no clearly. And if someone seems to be saying no to you, listen. Unwanted sexual attention is a very serious matter in the United States. Do not interpret the acceptance of a date as anything more than an agreement to meet at a certain time and place and to spend some time together.
If you are in doubt about correct behavior, talk with American friends, with your host family, or with your foreign-student adviser. Be aware that alcohol and dating can be a problematic mix, particularly in a cross-cultural setting.
